corned beef sandwich

friendly kid: poppy

friendly kid: rude

friendly kid: horror

friendly kid: mark

how to be successful with the ladies



Writer at typewriter and skullRude

Rudyard Smith jnr has been in and out in and out since he was old enough to be arrested.

Rudeboy does not attempt to lie about this fact.

Lamentations 4.19.

If yo bear the yoke in yo youthful days it will perhaps not do yo any fuckin harm.

My youthful days continued too long however. Rude is no longer a spring chicken with a spring in his step. 36 long years of bitin the apple of temptation is what the yardboy suffered.

Those days are done with now. It is true that I still has a devil inside me but I have made a vow with my Lord and all mankind that I will not be sinning again in this life.

The lady that will be my probation lady Miss Jenny Bradford is greatly pleased by these words. And so she fuckin should be. I do not pretend it will be easy.

With my hand on the Holy Book I swear that when I get out I will not hurt persons unnamed nor set fire to no property. Unless it is as a point of necessity or the Lord has bid me do his work in that way.

Miss Jenny Bradford did not like the wording of my pledge. But she has not accepted the Lord into her life so she does not have a fuckin clue. I accept that. I am a forgiving soul. 

I will be strong and stay out of the yard. That is my greatest fuckin wish.
In addition I am a family man now. Not that I have some little Rudyard Smith jnr jnr livin somewhere. Nor has any fruit of my loins been seeded in the belly of some maiden. That idea would make me laugh to even think it. I was never one for the ladies. Or else they were never ones for me. It is a question that can vex one if yo think about it too much.

However there is a female in my life these days and her presence fills me with much joy. Although in truth I have never even fuckin met her yet. She is relative to me. Though that fact were not obvious when first I came into contact with her. But Rudyard Smith jnr has made a vow before the Lord.

There will be no more foolishness.


I was a bad man like any other jailhouse monkey as recent as 6 long months ago. The world is not surprised to hear me recount that tale. I blame no one for gettin the wrong idea. I have that look. The roughneck look. If I offer to help old ladies cross the street they will think I want to rob em.

I look like I want to hit yo when I smile. And at age 36 life has tattooed angry wrinkles onto my brow. I have tattooed thick black ink onto every other part of my skin. My arms are smudged with tangled lines makin out one sentence or another. Bein in lock up gives yo time to think. And pin and ink to decorate. Places of incarceration plus dates. Left side of my neck under my chin the last word I ever did write


Never did get round to finishin off. It was our Lord that stopped me. Workin in his fuckin mysterious fuckin way.

That was the day. The first day of my new life. Born again is how they term it and it is nice to think that it was a someone else did the things before that day. Another big naughty fuckin baby me that I have killed off now that I am born again. But I am not so foolish as to want to forget what has happened to me. I am happy to learn my lesson and pass on the good news to anyone that cares to listen.

It is visitin time for us scoundrels and I am expecting a visitor. I have been in communication with her. I have even seen a photo. Though she has told me that she has dyed her hair and this morning sent me this new picture of her with this big purple fluffball on her head. All I know is that on my last fuckin full day inside I have got my first ever fuckin visitor. And she is a fuckin female and she is a fuckin relative. It is like the happiest fuckin day of my life. And the most fuckin nerve wracking. And yeah I know that as soon as I get out I am gonna have to try to stop all this fuckin swearin. It gets on my nerves. I swear too fuckin much. I need to learn to be a civilian. In here it is best if you do not have any civilised behaviour. The law of the jungle. Like he said.

So here I am sittin in the visitor room with my yellow bib on. Lookin round like a baby at a wedding. At all these faces I know. Graffiti scratched on the table like in some bad ass school. Like in my old school. The one they moved me to after they kicked me out of the north and dumped me in the south. All these words that I read as a result of havin fuck all else to do. All about fuck. Janet is a good fuck. Liverpool is fuckin shit. Fuck all nonces where they like it. Up the fuckin arsenal.

Screws spooning round like I look like I am about to go off. Givin me the bad eye. Making sure we all of us lookin nice before they open the doors and let the outside in. We in our blue shirts with orange baby bibs on like our mummy are comin to feed us with a spoon. I am thinkin about food because I been too nervous to eat for the past few days. Feel full and sluggish like I is full of shit and potatoes but my soul needs cleanin.

It is all the grubs from my wing sittin around and about me. The nonces the grasses the cop killers the HIV death posse. The whole fuckin shit and shebangle. And it aint no doubt it makes yo fuckin think. Even the fellow that stabbed a baby in the eye when he was pumped full of angel dust. He got friends and neighbours want to chat with him. There is nice lovely people on the outside never say boo to a baby fuckin goose is all on their own and lonely. But bastards in here got families as big as Jesus. And so it is that all us grubs and insects are smilin and happy like it is Christmas for us.

Waiting for our people presents. All of us smartening ourselves up. Combing hair and eyebrows. Wanting to wipe the yard smell off our fingers before we start handshaking. The rest of them all waiting for their old ladies their baby mamas their screechin little tykes. All coming in to give them lip service. Tattoo their nonce grass cop killer cheeks with lipstick and lip juice. Chocolate and sweat. All the dregs lovin it an leavin it there. Not havin a wash for a week so as when they in bed in the dark in the quiet they can smell and remember and think good and sad and dirty thoughts.

In they all come the visitors like a load of ducks quackin about and sayin hello. Rudy Smith junior sitting there like a prize in a lemon contest. The biggest fuckin lemon of the day. Waitin waitin and waitin till I got next to no fuckin nails worth biting. Then there she is. All of a sudden appearing. And I am there and I am thinkin and I am laughing. I cannot help myself. I seen the photos before but I cannot help smirkin and then I cannot help thinkin what the crew around me is thinkin. But thinkin fuck it. Fuck them. I is gettin out on the morrow. And at least she hant got that stupid purple hair.

Horror    Poppy    Mark  


longer extract available in pdf form->

Download PDF... coming soon...


go back to where you were

c 2010 Mark Sullivan